The Freedom of Focus

All right! Day 2! I feel better already. Today's blurb focused on focus. "You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are contanstly unraveling around the edges. Only a vibrant relationship with Me can keep you from coming unraveled too." So many times I feel like I'm about to come unraveled and I've never considered that it could be because my focus is on me instead of on God. Putting all of the focus on myself seems to put too much pressure on me. I can't do it! God gave us free will so that we could choose Him and His control. While I was at Merri-Mac I had one of my cabin girls ask me "Why doesn't God just make us love Him if that's what He wants? He has the power to." It totally caught me off guard and I had no clue what to tell her. Then God spoke directly through my mouth. "I" told her that it means more to Him if we CHOOSE to love Him than if we're forced to. If we choose it, He knows it's coming from our heart, our devotion. I was amazed that response came from me, but I've never thought about free will the same again. Focusing on Him "will protect you from scattering your energy to the winds."
Matthew 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
John 8:29 "And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him."
Colossians 3:23-24 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Rememer that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."

Does Planning Show a Lack of Faith?

Last night we had our first Ladies Bible Study. It was great. Carrie is letting me use a devotional book she had called Jesus Calling to help me get back into doing my quiet time. I know that your relationship with the Lord is personal, but I thought that as a way to have accountability for doing my quiet time daily, I'd post a little something that I learned or that spoke to me.
Today's little reading talked about the inherit contradiction between Peace and Planning. When we plan for the future, we're assuming that we are in control and when things fail to meet our expectations, we get discouraged, antsy, or even angry and resentful. What we need to realize is that we aren't in control and never can be. We can plan all we want for the future, but God is the one who directs our paths. (see Prov. 16:9 below) The line that jumped out at me said, "I did not design the human mind to figure out the future...I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me." It gave some Bible verses to read and I'm going to add those to the post because they were really good and obviously applicable.
Psalm 37:5 "Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you."
1 Peter 5:6-7 "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."

Goings On

Poor Kaleb baby is sick. Sort of. He's got a rattle in his chest and cough, his eyes are watering, and he had a low-grade fever. I think it's a combination of things. I know he's teething. His upper next teeth are coming in. I think he's got allergies, too. That might be why his eyes are watering and he's being wheezy. Eric's going to stay home with him tomorrow. I think he might be okay to go to Carol's but Eric wants to keep him home. I'm so excited to get my haircut tomorrow. It's driving me crazy! Yup, big blog day. There's actually a lot going on that I can't post because it has to do with work and this can easily be accessed. Just know that things are getting wild.

9-11 Post

Eric and I just watched the 9/11 special on Fox News. It made me start thinking about where I was and what I was doing when I heard about it. I was a junior at Prep in first period. Our teacher told us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. I didn't know what that was, but I knew it wasn't good. She immediately steered the class back to math. It wasn't until Spanish class that the details starting coming to us. Everyone was in panic mode talking about the end of the world and nuclear war. A few classmates had friends or relatives in New York at the time and were desperately trying to get in contact with them. Of course they couldn't. My history teacher was the only one who showed the news coverage so most people went into his class during our break. I remember watching all of the coverage all day. They showed it over and over again for a week. I turned to the Disney channel just to get a break from all of it. Marshall Ramsey's cartoon in the paper was a picture of the statue of liberty sitting down and crying with the ash cloud in the background. I'll always remember that cartoon as a representation of how it all felt.

Mobile/Fairhope Trip

Eric and I decided last minute last night that we wanted to go to Mobile. We called up the Satterwhites and they came to Waybo to babysit Kaleb while we hit the road. We left about 8:30 ish. Eric told me he was glad we left late because then it was like we were back in college again. Good times. Anyway, we didn't print of MapQuest directions (even though Eric wanted to) so we ended up getting lost..twice..and calling Brad to see if he could get us un-lost using his fancy internet phone. We passed by some pretty interesting places on our way to downtown Mobile. We finally got to our hotel and pretty much went straight to bed. I know, we're so old.
I had this really weird dream that I was pregnant and having contractions. When I woke up my stomach hurt like I was actually having contractions. It was so odd because when I stopped to think about it, my stomach felt fine, but when I was edging back to sleep, it would hurt again. The bed was so comfortable that if it hadn't been for my weird labor dream I probably wouldn't have woken up at all.
We got up about 8:30 (I was the first one up!) and went down the the lobby's restaurant for breakfast. It was just okay. Then we got ready and when we were checking out a parade started right outside our hotel. Since the whole street was blocked off and we couldn't get out anyway, we decided to stay and watch it. It was a Labor Day Parade and there were all different branches of labor from Alabama marching and driving in it. There were several bands that played (mostly the Hey Song) and they threw out Mardi Gras beads, candy, stuffed animals, moon pies, and toilet paper. Yep, toilet paper. And the people were going crazy for it. I'll tell you what, that was an odd sight.
When the parade ended we hit the road for Fairhope. It's a cute little town that we passed through on our girl's trip to Alabama back in February. I've been wanting to go back because it's just a picturesque little town with shops and eateries. Turns out just about everything was closed for Labor Day. We got to go into a few little shops, but we didn't find anything worth buying.
After Fairhope we went to the huge shopping center..Eastern Shore. It's kind of like the Renaissance in Jackson but bigger. We were only there a few minutes when it started raining. We ended up going to Coldstone, Build a Bear Workshop (we built Kaleb a Saints bear), Barnes & Noble, and Kirklands before we got soaked enough to start heading back to Waybo.
It didn't take too long to get back even though there was killer traffic from the John Mayer concert (I guess). I missed Kaleb and was happy to see him, but he's been really fussy. I think he's teething, but my sweet little boy has been taken over by this fussy, crying baby. I've been rocking him and playing with him and he's doing okay. We'll see.

Top 10 (or 20) Priorities

We bought the car! I've only ridden in it a couple of times so far, but hopefully I'll get to drive it soon. After all, it IS the car that I wanted to get for myself when I got a new car. Eric and I are planning a date day sometime this weekend. It's much needed. I feel myself falling into the mother and teacher roles and forgetting about the wife and friend roles. Thankfully the football game is tonight so we have Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to be together. A trip to Hattiesburg to see a movie and eat a nice meal is welcomed. I love being with Kaleb, but not having to appease him with Mum-Mums, Puffs, and bits of our food will be nice.

I see other people's blogs and I think, "How do they have such interesting things to write about? Nothing worth writing about happens in my life." That is definitely not true. You can't teach (especially elementary kids) without having stories to share. Unfortunately, I can never remember them once I get home. I tend to shut off that part of my brain until it's time to get back up the next day. Some call it a blessing, some call it a curse. I'll go with blessing.

In Sunday School we're going through a Priority study. I'm sure I've mentioned it before on here. I've probably already posted my priorities, too. We got a list of over 300 priorities and had to narrow it down to our top 10. Well, I did it twice because I misunderstood the directions. I thought we were supposed to narrow it down to our current top 10 priorities. We were actually supposed to choose the top 10 priorities we wish to have. I only had 2 repeats.

Here's my list of priorities that I currently have:

1. Acceptance - This is a huge deal to me. I've never felt like I've been fully accepted. I'm very insecure about what people think of me and need constant affirmation that people want to be my friend and that I'm worthy.

2. Acknowledgement - I'm selfish. I want to be acknowledged for the good things I do. Sometimes I'll tell myself that I'll do a good deed and keep it anonymous, but it never works out that way. Once again, I need constant affirmation.

3. Credibility - I'm definitely a liar. No doubt about it. I want credibility.

4. Dependability - I want to be known as the person you can turn to. The person who will never let you down.

5. Family - I am totally dedicated to my family, as I'm sure most people are. Eric and Kaleb are my life. I'm ashamed to say that they may even be considered idols in God's eyes. Aside from my little family, my parents and sisters mean everything to me. Occasionally my mind will wander and I'll imagine what it would be like for one of them to die. It's unbearable and I'm dreading that day.

6. Financial Freedom - I want to be debt free. I want to pay for things in cash. I don't want to have to dip into our savings account at the end of every month or use credit cards to buy groceries. I want to be financially sound. It's just so hard to do.

7. Making a Difference - When I chose this I thought of the word "legacy." I want to make a difference in people's lives. I know that I make a difference in my students' lives, but I want to leave a legacy. I want people to remember me when I'm gone.

8. Optimism - Being a positive person has helped me get through some tough times. It's such a drain to be around negative people that I made optimism one of my priorities.

9. Religiousness - Going to church, praying, and reading my Bible are the things I thought of when I put this. The more I meditate on my lists, the more "religiousness" sounds like a bad thing. Like a surface concept. I wanted to go deeper.

10. Security - Security in my family, my house, my beliefs, my ideals, my dreams

Those don't sound too bad, and they're not. But when I looked at all of the priorities on the list, I realized that there are some much more important goals.

Here's my list of hopeful priorities:

1. Faith - This is what took the place of religiousness. To me, faith is all-encompassing. It includes the rituals like quiet times and going to church, but it also goes deeper. It is core value and belief. It is the center of all of my motives, decisions, and actions.

2. Family - Family has to be on my priority list. They're too important. But notice that they are under faith. I know I have to get my priorities straight.

3. Financial Freedom - This one made the cut, too. It's pretty important to me.

4. Respect - This works on two levels for me. I want to be respected as an educator, a mother, and a person. I also want to develop a deeper understanding for the word and apply it to my spiritual relationship and my marriage.

5. Thankfulness - When you count your blessings, you have to have a cheery disposition. This took the place of optimism from my last list.

6. Wisdom - Being wise, making wise decisions, teaching Kaleb (and future children) to be wise is a newfound priority. I think I've always had it but couldn't put a name to it.

7. Giving - God loves a cheerful giver. I've been blessed with so much that I want to be able to give back to others.

8. Patience - My role models here are Melly from Gone With the Wind and Mrs. Duggar. I hope to be the kind of person who has abundant patience with children (and adults). I find it easier to be patient with children because some of them don't know any better. Adults should.

9. Intimacy - I'll leave this one alone since I'm pretty sure my dad reads this post.

10. Honesty - As I stated before, I'm a liar. I desperately don't want to be. My name even means "truth." I would like to live up to that moniker. I try to teach my students that telling the truth is so important that you should do it even if it means you might get in trouble. I feel so guilty for telling them that because I know I don't do it. I vividly remember when I was little and my mom told me to put something away (in the garage I believe) so it wouldn't get wet. Well, I forgot. She went outside the next day and there it was. She asked me to come out there and then asked why I didn't put it away like she said. I looked straight in her face and said, "I did." I mean, seriously, the evidence was sitting right there. I know I didn't do it and she knew I didn't do it. I stuck to my story, but I felt so guilty about it that I've been convicted of being truthful ever since.

So there are my priorities. A bit of a lengthy post, but I felt like I needed to write it.

New Car?

We're going to Jackson tomorrow to, hopefully, buy a car for Eric. His is about to bite the dust and we're trying to get some trade-in value for it before it goes. We're looking at a Ford Escape (orange) at CarMax in Jackson. We've got a "car equity loan" (I seriously doubt it's really called that, but it's like a home equity loan using our car instead of our house) for $5000 that we're going to use as our down payment. We've paid off my credit card and we'll be able to afford a car that costs around $15,000. Hopefully we'll get a little bit of something for Eric's car to help with the down payment. I think I feel more adult buying a car than I did when we bought a house. Weird.
I've got to seriously hunker down and get busy on my homework for this week. Eric's at the ball game and Kaleb's asleep, so now's the time. Too bad I'm engrossed in "Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta." I love the South!!