Trust in God

Okay it's been 3 days since I last did my quiet time and I have no excuse except laziness and lack of desire. But I'm getting back on track. We can be strong and confident and trust in God's enduring love for us. Trust is a hard thing for me to practice. I won't go into all of the details here, but trust has caused many problems for me. For me, part of trust is loyalty and honesty. Satan is the Father of Lies so if we can learn to decipher when we are being lied to, we will be one step ahead in the game. I love how the book says one of Satan's favorite tactics is to undermine our confidence in God...and ourselves. In our Ladies Bible Study we are learning to be content and confident in who God made us to be. We can trust God to always love us and empower us with grace, forgiveness, truth, wisodm, patience, and strength. Today's verses are kind of long, but extremely powerful.
Ephesians 3:16-19 "I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into Gods love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, thought it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God."
Hebrews 4:14-16 "So then, since we have a great High Priest who has entered heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to what we believe. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most."
John 8:44 "For you are the children of your father the devil, and you love to do the evil things he does. He was a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of all lies."
James 4: 7-8 "So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world."

In the World

I want to be more aware of God than of the little distractions life throws at me. I want my first thought when something goes wrong (or right) to be of Him and His love for me. In an effort to be totally honest, I don't want to be one of those Christians who can only talk about God. As terrible as it sounds, it's draining to be around them. It's like beating people over the head with it. I feel like we can be immersed in Christ but still have a grounding in the world. In the world but not of the world.
Psalm 89: 15-16 "Happy are those who hear the joyful call to worship, for they will walk in the light of your presence, Lord. They rejoice all day long in your wonderful reputation. They exult in your righteousness."
Psalm 16:8 "I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me."
2 Peter 1:2 "May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowldge of God and Jesus our Lord."

Getting Back to the Bible

Sometimes I feel like I rely too much on a devotional book instead of the Bible, so I want to stick to the verses today and talk about what I love about each one.
Psalm 68:19 "Praise the Lord; praise God our savior! For each day he carries us in his arms."
~ Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a baby again and be carried around all the time. We don't remember that part of our lives which seems sad to me because it's such a bonding time for parent and baby. I always say that the best part of laying down is that you don't have to support any part of your body, you can be fully relaxed and rest. I liken that to being carried. I don't have to support myself. God's loving, protective arms are around me, supporting me when I have no energy or strength to support myself.
1 John 1:7-9 "But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness."
~ If we are living with God, we can be cleansed. I don't think anyone claims they haven't sinned. That would be utterly ridiculous. Even if they don't believe that sin condemns them, they recognize it as a wrongdoing. Anyway, the best part is the last part. If we confess he forgives and cleanses. The word "confess" makes me think of a trial. In a courtroom, confessing to a wrongdoing is usually a bad thing that leads to punishment. But in God's house, confessing is what frees you from punishment. How amazing is that!
1 John 4:18 "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love."
~Perfect love expels all fear. When I read this it says to me that love is trust. People fear what they don't know or don't trust...like the future. We shouldn't be putting our trust in anything except God because we can't trust anything wholly and entirely except Him.

Future? What Future?

A lot of what I've read so far in this book has emphasized not worrying about tomorrow, not sweating the small stuff, and finding peace by staying in constant connection to God through conversation. It hasn't been repetitive, but delivers a new aspect to peace and patience. Today's "lesson" talked about leaving the future in the future. Don't worry about what's coming. It made the point that, of God's creations, we are the only ones with the capacity to ponder the future. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not because I know I misuse that ability. On one hand it's important to plan financially for certain big events in your life. On the other hand, it tends to consume my thoughts. My mind needs to focus on the present. My favorite line from today says, "As you walk in the Light with Me, you have one foot on Earth, and one foot in Heaven." As much as the thought of forever terrifies me into being scared of Heaven, it's a nice thought.
Exodus 15:2 "The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory. This is my God and I will praise him - my father's God, and I will exalt him!"
2 Corinthians 10:5 "We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We ccaptrue their rebellious thoughts and teach the to obey Christ."
Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise."

Sit and Listen

For me, waiting quietly and patiently is next to impossible. I have epxerienced God's gentle whisper and it was good. But sometimes I feel like I need the earthquake, the burning bush, or the transfiguration. I feel like I need the big, showy conversations. In the book, it says, "My thoughts form silently in the depths of your being." There are times when a thought or idea will pop in my head and I'll question whether that was from God or just me. The quote above sounds to me like the thoughts I have are really formed by God. That's not to say that I don't make any of my own decisions. That would totally negate free will. But I shouldn't question whether God is telling me to witness or show kindness. I'm sinful by nature. I should know it's not my idea. "I speak to you in holy whispers." Once again, that is such a struggle for me! I'm not as busy as a lot of people, but I find myself getting distracted when I'm still and quiet. I have to put this into earthly terms that I can understand. Today Kaleb and I were rocking outside and it wasn't silent, but it was quiet. I talked to him about God and sang him Bible verses I'd learned as a kid. I know that he probably didn't understand a word I was saying, but it meant so much to me. Maybe that's the point. God cherishes those tender moments when we stop, sit in his lap, and listen to his message of love for us.
1 Kings 19:12 "And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper."
Psalm 5:3 "Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly."

Oh Well!

Ever heard the phrase, "Pick your battles"? This is what we need to do with things that bother us. We expend so much energy on little, insignificant things that when something truly serious comes along we start the battle drained. By remembering that our present suffering will be nothing in comparison to the glory of Heaven, we can shrug off those petty annoyances that used to cause us so much grief. I think about a friend of our Sunday School teacher. He's 46 and suffering from cancer in multiple places. I think about a guy who went to church with me in college. I didn't know him, more like knew who he was. He died Friday from cancer...he was only 26. These are just two of many examples of people with significant issues. I think about 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 (see below) and about how our troubles "won't last very long." Even if we live to be 90 years old, that's nothing compared to eternity. Justin only lived on earth 26 years, very short compared to most people, but now his troubles (his very serious troubles, not petty ones like I face) are over forever. Let's face it, we could spend our whole lives asking "Why?". There are so many "unjust" or "unfair" things that happen in our lives that we question. But according to Solomon, the wisest man in the world!, we'll just drive ourselves crazy. Let's learn to say "Oh Well!" to troubles instead of "Why?".
Proverbs 20:24 "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"
2 Corinthians 4:17-18 "For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we can see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."

Heaven and Earth Intersect in Your Mind

Today's message talked about how we need to constantly remember that there is a war waging for our minds. Our minds are the reason we do what we do and restrain from other things. As it says, we are always bombarded by the media's view of what is right or acceptable and many times it is in direct violation of God's law. The effects of the "wastelands of this world" are seen all throughout the news and daily life. You don't have to look far to see someone not doing what is right. We need to safeguard our minds against these influences by staying in constant communion with Christ. When we hit those mountain top moments, we are experiencing a taste of Heaven. It's too bad we can't feel that way all the time. But when we stay focused on him and set our minds on his will, we can look forward to our next lives with Him.
Ephesians 2:6 "For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ."
Psalm 27:8 "My heart has heard you say 'Come and talk with me.' And my heart responds, 'Lord, I am coming.'"
Romans 8:6 "So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace."
1 John 2:15-17 "Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the lover of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever."

The Freedom of Focus

All right! Day 2! I feel better already. Today's blurb focused on focus. "You inhabit a fallen, disjointed world, where things are contanstly unraveling around the edges. Only a vibrant relationship with Me can keep you from coming unraveled too." So many times I feel like I'm about to come unraveled and I've never considered that it could be because my focus is on me instead of on God. Putting all of the focus on myself seems to put too much pressure on me. I can't do it! God gave us free will so that we could choose Him and His control. While I was at Merri-Mac I had one of my cabin girls ask me "Why doesn't God just make us love Him if that's what He wants? He has the power to." It totally caught me off guard and I had no clue what to tell her. Then God spoke directly through my mouth. "I" told her that it means more to Him if we CHOOSE to love Him than if we're forced to. If we choose it, He knows it's coming from our heart, our devotion. I was amazed that response came from me, but I've never thought about free will the same again. Focusing on Him "will protect you from scattering your energy to the winds."
Matthew 6:33 "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
John 8:29 "And the one who sent me is with me - he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him."
Colossians 3:23-24 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Rememer that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."

Does Planning Show a Lack of Faith?

Last night we had our first Ladies Bible Study. It was great. Carrie is letting me use a devotional book she had called Jesus Calling to help me get back into doing my quiet time. I know that your relationship with the Lord is personal, but I thought that as a way to have accountability for doing my quiet time daily, I'd post a little something that I learned or that spoke to me.
Today's little reading talked about the inherit contradiction between Peace and Planning. When we plan for the future, we're assuming that we are in control and when things fail to meet our expectations, we get discouraged, antsy, or even angry and resentful. What we need to realize is that we aren't in control and never can be. We can plan all we want for the future, but God is the one who directs our paths. (see Prov. 16:9 below) The line that jumped out at me said, "I did not design the human mind to figure out the future...I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me." It gave some Bible verses to read and I'm going to add those to the post because they were really good and obviously applicable.
Psalm 37:5 "Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you."
1 Peter 5:6-7 "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."

Goings On

Poor Kaleb baby is sick. Sort of. He's got a rattle in his chest and cough, his eyes are watering, and he had a low-grade fever. I think it's a combination of things. I know he's teething. His upper next teeth are coming in. I think he's got allergies, too. That might be why his eyes are watering and he's being wheezy. Eric's going to stay home with him tomorrow. I think he might be okay to go to Carol's but Eric wants to keep him home. I'm so excited to get my haircut tomorrow. It's driving me crazy! Yup, big blog day. There's actually a lot going on that I can't post because it has to do with work and this can easily be accessed. Just know that things are getting wild.

9-11 Post

Eric and I just watched the 9/11 special on Fox News. It made me start thinking about where I was and what I was doing when I heard about it. I was a junior at Prep in first period. Our teacher told us that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. I didn't know what that was, but I knew it wasn't good. She immediately steered the class back to math. It wasn't until Spanish class that the details starting coming to us. Everyone was in panic mode talking about the end of the world and nuclear war. A few classmates had friends or relatives in New York at the time and were desperately trying to get in contact with them. Of course they couldn't. My history teacher was the only one who showed the news coverage so most people went into his class during our break. I remember watching all of the coverage all day. They showed it over and over again for a week. I turned to the Disney channel just to get a break from all of it. Marshall Ramsey's cartoon in the paper was a picture of the statue of liberty sitting down and crying with the ash cloud in the background. I'll always remember that cartoon as a representation of how it all felt.

Mobile/Fairhope Trip

Eric and I decided last minute last night that we wanted to go to Mobile. We called up the Satterwhites and they came to Waybo to babysit Kaleb while we hit the road. We left about 8:30 ish. Eric told me he was glad we left late because then it was like we were back in college again. Good times. Anyway, we didn't print of MapQuest directions (even though Eric wanted to) so we ended up getting lost..twice..and calling Brad to see if he could get us un-lost using his fancy internet phone. We passed by some pretty interesting places on our way to downtown Mobile. We finally got to our hotel and pretty much went straight to bed. I know, we're so old.
I had this really weird dream that I was pregnant and having contractions. When I woke up my stomach hurt like I was actually having contractions. It was so odd because when I stopped to think about it, my stomach felt fine, but when I was edging back to sleep, it would hurt again. The bed was so comfortable that if it hadn't been for my weird labor dream I probably wouldn't have woken up at all.
We got up about 8:30 (I was the first one up!) and went down the the lobby's restaurant for breakfast. It was just okay. Then we got ready and when we were checking out a parade started right outside our hotel. Since the whole street was blocked off and we couldn't get out anyway, we decided to stay and watch it. It was a Labor Day Parade and there were all different branches of labor from Alabama marching and driving in it. There were several bands that played (mostly the Hey Song) and they threw out Mardi Gras beads, candy, stuffed animals, moon pies, and toilet paper. Yep, toilet paper. And the people were going crazy for it. I'll tell you what, that was an odd sight.
When the parade ended we hit the road for Fairhope. It's a cute little town that we passed through on our girl's trip to Alabama back in February. I've been wanting to go back because it's just a picturesque little town with shops and eateries. Turns out just about everything was closed for Labor Day. We got to go into a few little shops, but we didn't find anything worth buying.
After Fairhope we went to the huge shopping center..Eastern Shore. It's kind of like the Renaissance in Jackson but bigger. We were only there a few minutes when it started raining. We ended up going to Coldstone, Build a Bear Workshop (we built Kaleb a Saints bear), Barnes & Noble, and Kirklands before we got soaked enough to start heading back to Waybo.
It didn't take too long to get back even though there was killer traffic from the John Mayer concert (I guess). I missed Kaleb and was happy to see him, but he's been really fussy. I think he's teething, but my sweet little boy has been taken over by this fussy, crying baby. I've been rocking him and playing with him and he's doing okay. We'll see.

Top 10 (or 20) Priorities

We bought the car! I've only ridden in it a couple of times so far, but hopefully I'll get to drive it soon. After all, it IS the car that I wanted to get for myself when I got a new car. Eric and I are planning a date day sometime this weekend. It's much needed. I feel myself falling into the mother and teacher roles and forgetting about the wife and friend roles. Thankfully the football game is tonight so we have Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to be together. A trip to Hattiesburg to see a movie and eat a nice meal is welcomed. I love being with Kaleb, but not having to appease him with Mum-Mums, Puffs, and bits of our food will be nice.

I see other people's blogs and I think, "How do they have such interesting things to write about? Nothing worth writing about happens in my life." That is definitely not true. You can't teach (especially elementary kids) without having stories to share. Unfortunately, I can never remember them once I get home. I tend to shut off that part of my brain until it's time to get back up the next day. Some call it a blessing, some call it a curse. I'll go with blessing.

In Sunday School we're going through a Priority study. I'm sure I've mentioned it before on here. I've probably already posted my priorities, too. We got a list of over 300 priorities and had to narrow it down to our top 10. Well, I did it twice because I misunderstood the directions. I thought we were supposed to narrow it down to our current top 10 priorities. We were actually supposed to choose the top 10 priorities we wish to have. I only had 2 repeats.

Here's my list of priorities that I currently have:

1. Acceptance - This is a huge deal to me. I've never felt like I've been fully accepted. I'm very insecure about what people think of me and need constant affirmation that people want to be my friend and that I'm worthy.

2. Acknowledgement - I'm selfish. I want to be acknowledged for the good things I do. Sometimes I'll tell myself that I'll do a good deed and keep it anonymous, but it never works out that way. Once again, I need constant affirmation.

3. Credibility - I'm definitely a liar. No doubt about it. I want credibility.

4. Dependability - I want to be known as the person you can turn to. The person who will never let you down.

5. Family - I am totally dedicated to my family, as I'm sure most people are. Eric and Kaleb are my life. I'm ashamed to say that they may even be considered idols in God's eyes. Aside from my little family, my parents and sisters mean everything to me. Occasionally my mind will wander and I'll imagine what it would be like for one of them to die. It's unbearable and I'm dreading that day.

6. Financial Freedom - I want to be debt free. I want to pay for things in cash. I don't want to have to dip into our savings account at the end of every month or use credit cards to buy groceries. I want to be financially sound. It's just so hard to do.

7. Making a Difference - When I chose this I thought of the word "legacy." I want to make a difference in people's lives. I know that I make a difference in my students' lives, but I want to leave a legacy. I want people to remember me when I'm gone.

8. Optimism - Being a positive person has helped me get through some tough times. It's such a drain to be around negative people that I made optimism one of my priorities.

9. Religiousness - Going to church, praying, and reading my Bible are the things I thought of when I put this. The more I meditate on my lists, the more "religiousness" sounds like a bad thing. Like a surface concept. I wanted to go deeper.

10. Security - Security in my family, my house, my beliefs, my ideals, my dreams

Those don't sound too bad, and they're not. But when I looked at all of the priorities on the list, I realized that there are some much more important goals.

Here's my list of hopeful priorities:

1. Faith - This is what took the place of religiousness. To me, faith is all-encompassing. It includes the rituals like quiet times and going to church, but it also goes deeper. It is core value and belief. It is the center of all of my motives, decisions, and actions.

2. Family - Family has to be on my priority list. They're too important. But notice that they are under faith. I know I have to get my priorities straight.

3. Financial Freedom - This one made the cut, too. It's pretty important to me.

4. Respect - This works on two levels for me. I want to be respected as an educator, a mother, and a person. I also want to develop a deeper understanding for the word and apply it to my spiritual relationship and my marriage.

5. Thankfulness - When you count your blessings, you have to have a cheery disposition. This took the place of optimism from my last list.

6. Wisdom - Being wise, making wise decisions, teaching Kaleb (and future children) to be wise is a newfound priority. I think I've always had it but couldn't put a name to it.

7. Giving - God loves a cheerful giver. I've been blessed with so much that I want to be able to give back to others.

8. Patience - My role models here are Melly from Gone With the Wind and Mrs. Duggar. I hope to be the kind of person who has abundant patience with children (and adults). I find it easier to be patient with children because some of them don't know any better. Adults should.

9. Intimacy - I'll leave this one alone since I'm pretty sure my dad reads this post.

10. Honesty - As I stated before, I'm a liar. I desperately don't want to be. My name even means "truth." I would like to live up to that moniker. I try to teach my students that telling the truth is so important that you should do it even if it means you might get in trouble. I feel so guilty for telling them that because I know I don't do it. I vividly remember when I was little and my mom told me to put something away (in the garage I believe) so it wouldn't get wet. Well, I forgot. She went outside the next day and there it was. She asked me to come out there and then asked why I didn't put it away like she said. I looked straight in her face and said, "I did." I mean, seriously, the evidence was sitting right there. I know I didn't do it and she knew I didn't do it. I stuck to my story, but I felt so guilty about it that I've been convicted of being truthful ever since.

So there are my priorities. A bit of a lengthy post, but I felt like I needed to write it.