The Little Things I Learn

One of the prayers I've been praying lately is, "Lord, teach me to parent Kaleb the way he needs to be parented; not necessarily the way I want to parent him." It's no surprise that we've had some trying moments and days with our 4 year old. Since I've started changing the way I pray for him, I've had some pretty big realizations.

1. He is sensitive. He doesn't like to be laughed at or for anyone to even think he's different. Just this morning he was upset on the way to church because he was scared his friends would laugh at his new brown shoes. At FOUR he's worried about being accepted. A little part of me hurts to realize he's at that point.
What that means: He needs me (and other adults) to affirm him. I believe one of his love languages is Words of Affirmation, like his Daddy. He needs time to be alone and he needs me to be sensitive to how he's feeling.

2. Partly because of #1, he doesn't respond to yelling. He's just like me. If a teacher or other adult ever yelled at me I shut down and got incredibly angry. Kaleb has some of these tendencies. He doesn't necessarily shut down, but he does get incredibly angry. And since he's a four year old little boy, he channels that anger the only way that makes sense to him. He yells, throws things, and cries. We call it "flipping the switch." Once he calms down he's back to sweet, but, holy moly, until that happens, it's almost unbearable. 
What that means: I have to control my anger. That doesn't mean that he gets away with not doing what we've said, but it means I don't yell at him. I can speak firmly, but screaming does no good for either of us.

3. He wants a lot of attention. I know that all kids need attention, but he craves it. He wants to do things on his own, but we need to be watching him or at least in the same room with him while he's doing them. He'll drive cars by himself, but he wants us to look at how fast they'r'e going or the cool tricks they're doing. He's always telling us to pretend he's a baby. I think it's because we speak in the nicer, babyish voice and pay him ore attention.
What that means: I'm going to have to go crazy for a little while. When I get home from teaching I just want to sit for a few minutes and relax. Yeah, that's not likely to happen. And, honestly, it frustrates me. I know that when I had kids I had to die to some of my ways. Peace, quiet, a clean house, etc. But he'll only be little for a while longer. I need to play with him now.